A Predicament of a Bestial Nature
by CeliaEquus
Summary: Harry and Ron try to prank Hermione, only it has consequences they never imagined. Rated for implied bestiality. If this doesn't appeal to you, then for Merlin's sake don't read the story! Surely it's not that hard... Could be considered a crack!fic.


"A Predicament of a Bestial Nature"

**Warning: for those who didn't read the summary, there is implied bestiality in this story, but nothing explicit. It's about an unnatural and yet unending love between a human and a hippogriff. If this isn't your kind of thing turn back now, and don't blame me for writing it. Some people may actually like this story, so it may not be a waste of space. I'm just saying…**

"No. In _his_ food."

"No, in _her_ food!"

"She'd suspect something!"

"So would he!"

Ron and Harry glared at each other. They had decided to play a prank on Hermione to loosen her up now that the NEWTs were over. She was still obsessing over what she had written for some of her answers – in point of fact, most of them – so she hadn't noticed the joke-in-making.

Surprisingly the boys had been able to brew the potion. They could tell from the book that it was a cross-species love philtre, and that all they needed to do was feed it either to Hermione or Buckbeak. They were sure that the results would be hilarious.

Unfortunately, in all their infinite wisdom they still missed one thing due to their argument over who should receive the potion. A piece of the victim's object of desire had to be included, similar to Polyjuice. Both boys were determined that they were right, and had each sneaked something into the cauldron: the feather Sirius had sent Harry at the end of third year, and a clump of Hermione's hair cut from her bushy mane while she was occupied with studying.

"Look, Harry," Ron said, "if we give Buckbeak the potion then she'll be safe from him."

"Yeah, but then he'll be chasing after her," Harry replied. "If she has the potion then she'll be the one chasing him."

"And if she forgets to bow first? He might kill her!"

"But she doesn't have to worry about that now, not since we saved him four years ago."

Now, it must be said that, in the aftermath of the exams, the boys weren't thinking that clearly. Otherwise they would not have each taken a vial of the potion without consulting the other, never mind adding the extra ingredient in the first place.

"Just forget about it," Harry said, standing up. Ron nodded in agreement, and the boys went their separate ways, both thinking that the other had given up.

* * *

Ron made sure that Hagrid wasn't around when he slipped into his hut. Now that Buckbeak was back at Hogwarts he had full meals there, as well as a certain non-alcoholic brew just for him. Even Hagrid hated the smell and taste of the stuff (never did anyone regret being a taste-tester so much, even a Weasley). The overpowering odour was perfect for concealing the potion.

He poured it in and watched as the colour soon disappeared into the murkiness. No one would know that it was there – except him.

"Brilliant," he said, and he hurried out of the shack.

* * *

"Hey, Dobby!" Harry called across the kitchen. The house elf ran to his side.

"How can Dobby help Harry Potter?" he asked.

"I need you to make sure that Hermione gets this in her goblet at lunch," Harry said, holding up the vial. And _only_ Hermione."

"What is it for, Harry Potter?"

"Well, she's just been so stressed lately, and it'll calm her down," he replied.

"Oh, of course! Dobby will do anything to help Harry Potter's friend."

"Thanks, Dobby! By the way, don't tell anyone I was here, _especially_ Ron and Hermione."

"Dobby swears on his life, sir, on his very life he does."

"Brilliant…"

* * *

Hermione ran a hand down her face and sighed. The bell had just rung for lunch.

"They must have left without telling me," she said, frowning when she saw that her best friends weren't in the common room. She shrugged, packed away her books, and then went down to the Great Hall.

"Hey, `Mione!" Ron said, patting the bench between them. "We saved you a seat."

"You… always do," she said, confused. The boys tilted their heads casually, and she decided to dismiss it. She could only hope that they hadn't done anything stupid.

Hermione was so thirsty by the end of the meal that she downed all her pumpkin juice at once. She sighed as the last of the heavenly coolness trickled down her esophageus, and swallowed deeply.

"Mmm," she moaned, and she looked up. Something started to pull at her, and she stood up, lost in her thoughts. Harry and Ron looked watched her as she drifted out of the hall, but she didn't notice them.

Once she was outside she realised what the funny feeling was. She had to get to Buckbeak for some reason. Worried that he might be in danger, she set off at a run to Hagrid's hut.

It frustrated her to no end when she saw that he wasn't around. But then it hit her; sometimes he stayed in the Forbidden Forest, and had his meal there. Not even thinking about the rules she was breaking, she ran into the woods, darting between trees and leaping over branches.

_This is so right_! she thought, a bubble of happiness swelling up inside her as she searched for the hippogriff. Somewhere along the way she dropped her book bag, but didn't stop to pick it up. She didn't even notice its absence.

Finally she broke into a clearing, only to find that Buckbeak was the only one there. He turned his head at the rustle of the bushes, and their eyes met.

The bubble burst into a bonfire, and Hermione sank back against a tree, overcome by the dizzying sensations. Not only was she attracted to the beast in front of her, she was madly in love with him.

"Buckbeak," she whispered, frozen in place. "Oh, Buckbeak." She shut her eyes, her breathing getting quicker as she felt magic swirling through her body.

The clomp-clomp of hoof-beats and scratch-rustle of claws made their way towards her. She finally opened her eyes, smiling deliriously. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes as he gazed down. Trembling with emotion she raised a hand to his cheek. He pressed his feathery head into her palm, studying her with his eagle eyes. He 'creaked' something in hippogriff-talk, and she wished that she could understand him. But it didn't take a genius-level IQ to know.

"I love you, too," she said. He stepped forward again, this time resting his head over her shoulder in a tender embrace. She kissed his feathery neck.

"You beautiful creature," she said, her hands caressing him. This time she moved closer, pressing herself against his body. His wings moved around to hold her, and she sighed with bliss… and something else.

* * *

"You imbeciles! How could you be so foolish?" Professor Snape shouted. "Headmaster, surely you agree that they should be expelled now?"

"They are so near to graduating," Professor Dumbledore said, eyebrows furrowed as he studied the two miscreants. "It would be a pity to put their education to waste…"

"It will not be a waste to them in _Azkaban_," the potions master said, his black eyes glinting at the boys.

"It… it was just supposed to be a joke," Harry said timidly. "It just didn't turn out right…"

"Do you not realise what you have done? If both parties are fed the same potion they will fall in love with each other, a love that must be consummated or they will die of unhappiness." The boys paled. "I see you are aware of what consummation means. It is especially effective if the potion has both of their DNA in it."

"Effective? You mean that the potion won't wear off?" Ron asked.

"Of course it won't wear off, you stupid boy! Not now that they have both ingested it! What I mean is that, should they 'mate', Miss Granger will ultimately bear a child from the union, thanks to the added 'effectiveness'."

"I… I'm gonna be sick," Harry said, standing up. Ron nodded in agreement, already putting a hand over his mouth. Before they could move any further, however, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Dumbledore called, gazing at the two Gryffindors with sorrow and disappointment. The door swung open, and there were sighs of relief when they saw that it was Hermione. But then they saw the wild state of her hair and clothes.

"Hello," she said breathlessly, and she started to walk forward. It was obvious from the way she held her thighs apart and limped that they were too late. "Professor Dumbledore, I've just come to let you know that I'll be staying with… someone else until the end of the school year… and possibly after."

"Miss Granger, you have not done anything unwise, have you?"

"Oh, _definitely_ not unwise," she said, eyes sparkling. "It… it was brilliant. I had no idea anything could feel that wonderful!"

"Er, Hermione," Harry said, scratching his head, "you didn't shag Buckbeak, did you?"

"What? Of course not!" He and Ron smiled. "We made love." The smiles faded, and Hermione dropped into a seat. She yelped, and stood up again straight away. She rubbed her backside, grinning sheepishly. "I guess it doesn't hurt until _after_ your first time."

"You would not have felt any pain with the potion," Professor Snape said, his face now schooled to an impassive expression.

"Potion?"

"Miss Granger, you may wish to sit down for this story. I believe your friends will have no trouble explaining things to you." He arched an eyebrow at Ron and Harry.

* * *

Hermione's expression never changed during the whole tale. When it got to the end she looked thoughtful.

"I am displeased with your behaviour," she told her friends. "You've broken so many rules – so many _laws_ – that I don't even know where to begin. However," she added, smiling again, "I cannot complain about this afternoon's activities." She squirmed. "And if it means that I can give a child to my love then I am very grateful." She rubbed her stomach, her smile widening.

"Hermione, your body would not survive the labour," Dumbledore said, leaning forward. "We must work out steps to take."

"There _are_ no steps," she said. "I'm sure Professor Snape can tell you that." The potions master nodded gravely, and Dumbledore groaned. "Don't worry, sir. Hagrid and Madame Pomfrey can help; and the magic won't allow me to be hurt."

"Of course it will not," Snape said. "What I am concerned about is the… child's future, if I can call it that. Half-human, half-hippogriff. Surely you know what happened to the Minotaur in Greek mythology?"

"It will have its parent's love," Hermione said, grimacing as she stood again. "Now if you don't mind I will get my essentials and then return to the forest. It's starting to hurt, being away from Buckbeak." She clutched at her chest. "A-actually, I will have to come back later. This… this is killing me." She began to run to the doorway.

"Wait!" Harry and Ron called. She wrenched the door open and turned her head.

"What is it?"

"W-we can't let you do this," Ron said, stepping towards her. She moved back.

"You've done enough," she said. "Now leave me alone. I have somewhere else to be."

* * *

Of course, the birth was a success. Can't have an unhappy ending, can we? Fortunately the baby was not a hybrid, and the professors at Hogwarts had searched until they found a charm that would allow Hermione to understand Hippogriff-speech. The father's DNA had been stronger, resulting in a pure hippogriff being born. Hagrid had given Hermione all the information he could, and she learnt the rest by experience.

It may have been a manufactured love as a result of a prank gone wrong, but Hermione and Buckbeak's deep affection never wavered, nor did their passion. She gave birth to three more hippogriffs during their lives together, and while it caused a stir in the wizarding world Harry and Ron were outed as the culprits behind everything, lessening the tarnish on Hermione's reputation. They were assigned community service and were also forced to work for Professor Snape. He assigned them horrible tasks like gathering and preparing ingredients, brewing disgusting potions and – of course – testing them.

It was a fitting punishment. But, as the two lovebirds couldn't have been happier with the result, none of it really mattered.

**

* * *

**

I hope no one was unjustly disturbed by this story. I'm a strange person, trying to do many different pairings. But anyway.

**If anyone even thinks about flaming this, please remember that you were the one/s who decided to read this story. You have only yourselves to blame, not me. I'm just an odd person who's still kind of elated over graduating from university yesterday. Hurrah! (And don't you DARE think about trying to burst my bubble.)**

**It's a pretty closed ending, so the only way you'll get more of this story is if I post an explicit version on Adult ffnet. Let me know if you'd actually read it, you twisted people, you…**


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